Pike and Grog in The Legend of Vox Machina 1x04, 2x09 and 2x10
(via tanoraqui)
She/her. Mostly reblogs of things I like from various fandoms
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what’s the best wacky premise for a one-off nonstandard episode of a show
Oh no! A character has been split into color-coded component personalities!
The budget ran out so now we’re stuck in a bottle episode
Something’s wrong with our friend, let’s go inside their brain to help out
Oopsies! Everyone is now living out their greatest fear!
It’s a story from the distant past but everyone is played by the main actors
Let’s All Do A Musical Episode
At least one protagonist is temporarily de-aged into a kid
A contrivance! Only the unappreciated comic relief character can save us now!
Team Pet Goes On A Big Adventure
A crisis has struck and also somebody is right this minute having a baby
See Results(via vanyelle)
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Reasons why the Benoit Blanc movies work so well
- They are about women of color with everyday jobs (nurse, teacher)
- These women are treated terribly by rich assholes in completely pedestrian and everyday ways that women of color with everyday jobs are treated in real life
- These women get extremely cathartic justice in the end
- The movie does not star Benoit Blanc, he is merely the driving vehicle for the mystery
- He is barely a character, he is a plot device.
- All we learn about Benoit Blanc in the first movie is:
- He is a famous detective
- He was so famous he was on magazines
- Literally everyone knows who he is because of previous mysteries he has solved
- These previous mysteries are not explained or even given any details, all we know is that they happened and he got famous for them
- He has a kind heart
- He has a Southern accent that continually shifts back and forth across the Delta
- This is neither explained nor commented on
- All we learn about Benoit Blanc in the second movie is:
- He lives with a partner (marital status unknown) who is
- A: British
- B: Done with his shit
- C: Trying to learn how to make sourdough starter in the pandemic
- He plays Among Us with celebrities
- He is very bad at mystery games such as Among Us and Clue
- That’s it. That’s all we learn about him.
- This is fantastic because these new details provide zero additional context to the unexplained force of nature that is Benoit Blanc, he just strolls into someone else’s movie, tells them they are good people, and gives them closure against rich assholes.
- It is not Benoit Blanc’s movie. It is a movie with Benoit Blanc in.
- The movies are mysteries with lots of twists and turns but they never make the audience feel stupid. This is because
- All of the twists are foreshadowed by scenery details, camera angles, and other things deliberately left in the shot.
- This rewards both the keen-eyed and the additional rewatchers
- All of these twists are extremely well hidden on the first viewing
- This rewards those who enjoy trying to work it out and enjoying them as they come
- The correct reaction to guessing twists before they happen is that they were very well foreshadowed, not that the writers weren’t good enough at tricking the viewers, like some writers who put in twists that are completely out of left field and unsupported by the previous text because they don’t want their audience to guess.
- Ben Shapiro didn’t understand the second one, which is just a nice bonus.
- The fucking. Cameos. Are delightful, not hackneyed.
- The fucking cinnamon tography.
- Every camera angle is a masterpiece. Every still frame is a painting.
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Me: Hey do you know that Earth, Wind and Fire song September? Do you ever think they made a song called December, like it’s the same thing but instead of saying September they say December instead?
My brother: That would be really funny if there was.
My dad: There is look it up.
Me: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
(via humming-fly)
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POKEMON CENTER IS MAKING A LIFE SIZE SLOWPOKE PLUSH AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHJJJAJSJDJSJ
LOOK AT THEM
I CARE THEM SO MUCH AN ABSOLUTE UNIT
Edit: A lot of people are confused on Slowpoke size lol. They are based off of Hippos and Salamanders they are indeed this big
(via lurantics)
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Mom Adopts a “Dog”
So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.
My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula. Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.
I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.
Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer. After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.
For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life. His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.
So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt. The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place. Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment. Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up. Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog. For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-
Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.
They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do. Mom and Dad fall in love instantly. They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”
Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.
Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident. Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet. Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels. Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering. Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week. The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.
After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.
Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”
After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life. OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.
Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.
Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something. That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right? Dig a den and ply her with food? On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it. Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.
The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!! and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met. Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.
Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth. He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.
I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:
- Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
- HAIR. One of my chores growing up was to brush her out every week and I’d frequently end up with more hair than animal.
- the only way we could reliably get her to stay in the yard was with an overhead tether with a STEEL cable, which she chewed through anyway.
- Do you like waking up by being hit in the face with half a dead animal? No? Wolfdogs may not be for you.
- More than capable of opening the fridge and eating everything if you’re not watching
- Will get into everything if not otherwise occupied. Including eating your tax forms.
- Howls along with sirens at 4 AM.
PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s
- I was afforded a degree of freedom normally associated with a pokemon trianer. It was no big deal for me and my sister to walk three miles through my not-really-good neighborhood to the Froyo if I took Mazel with us. People tended to leave us alone when we had 100lbs of overprotective Apex Predator following us around.
- WINNING at Pet Day at school. There wasn’t actually a compettion but Billy’s hamster sucks in comparison to an animal that is perfectly willing to demonstrate how she can snap an oak branch in half on command.
- PTA moms losing their shit because Mazel would walk down the block by herself to come pick ups up from school.
- Grew up associating the word “Bitch” with teeth and the willingness to rip an asshole’s face off for being rude. Never changed the definition.
- Learned the I-Own-This Strut and Murder-Stare from the absolute best.
When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house. They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys. One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly. When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger. What do you need a hamburger for? Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.
Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month. Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.
Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap. I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.
- Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
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au where uncle aaron doesnt die but he has still just found out his favorite nephew is spiderman so now hes just kinda like :/ damn i guess i gotta be a superhero now
its like batman and robin if batman were the sidekick. hes just sort of following miles around dragging his scrawny little butt out of tight spots and yelling encouragement.
Spiderman pulls his phone out during the middle of a fight and is like “Things aren’t going very well, can you come pick me up?” and less than ten minutes later the Prowler crashes his motorcycle into the Green Goblin’s face.
I’ve never thought of “my 13yo nephew went and became a superhero so I guess I’m helping him out now” as a villain redemption arc before but now it’s everything I need in life.
I love this. So much. I’m just picturing things like the cellphone footage. Like there’s tons of videos and pics of Spider-Man because Miles is a personable kid and then there’s these cryptid like sightings of Prowler coming out of nowhere to save Miles’ ass. Like shaky cam video of Goblin kicking Spidey around and then out of nowhere tHERE’S A MOTORCYCLE FLYING INTO GOBLIN’S FACE. The camera swings around only to see the flare of a cape and Spidey is nowhere to be seen.
(via hedgiwithapen)
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Batman: I have 800 costumes because I must be prepared for any eventuality
Wonder Woman: I have 1200 costumes because I’m 6,000 years old, I like a little variety, it’s important to dress for diplomacy, and Hephaestus doesn’t get much commission from anywhere else these days
Superman: I have one costume because my moms made it. No I will not get a new one and fuck you for suggesting it
I originally meant “Lara sent the fabric and Martha made the costume” but now I can’t stop thinking of a Superman AU where Jor sent his wife along with his son and Martha and Jonathan happened upon this Space MILF™️ and went “throuple?” so Clark Kent grew up with three parents
Jonathan and Martha, stumbling upon this rocket ship: O.O!!!!!
Jonathan: Do you realise what this is Martha
Martha Kent, eyeing up Lara: A MILF
Clark: “Dad, can I go out tonight?”
Jonathan: “Ask your mother.”
Clark: “Which one?”
Jonathan: “Whichever one is going to say no.”
(via hedgiwithapen)
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You are a long forgotten god. A small girl leaves a piece of candy at your shrine, and you awaken. Now, you must do everything to protect your High Priestess, the girl, and her entire kindergarten class, your worshipers.
The stone was immovable, in the past. Indestructible. A spire of granite no mortal hand could even alter.
But mortal hands build clever tools, and these last few hundred years I have lived in dread that they will break this, my sacred stone, the last link that preserves me, a faint shadow of a forgotten god. While my sacred stone stands, I do not, quite, fade away.
I am in a park, now, clipped and tamed, my forests long gone. But they landscape around me and my stone, admiring its beauty, so I do not complain. While they take pleasure in the stone, I am safe.
There is a playground a few lengths away, and the laughter and happy shrieking rouse me a little from my sleep. I watched over children, once. It’s nice to hear them again.
But I don’t truly awaken until the Offering is made.
Little hands touch my stone, with curiosity and a sort of reverence that only the very young feel now. For a child young enough the world is still a mystery, and even an ancient granite stone provokes wonder. So I stir, when she touches the stone, becoming hazily aware.
And then, solemnly, the child places a tiny colourful object in the roughly shaped alcove in the stone’s side, the place where offerings were laid two thousand years ago and more, and I awaken. Many people have put things in that alcove, of course… to take pictures, usually, these days, or putting a lost object where it will be seen. Merely to place an object in the alcove isn’t enough. A true offering is given as a gift, with intent.
As this is.
(via hedgiwithapen)
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